


Tricky Treats

by unbroken_halo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: #Halloweenishness, AU, Community: severus_sighs, F/M, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-05
Updated: 2012-11-05
Packaged: 2017-11-18 00:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbroken_halo/pseuds/unbroken_halo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When forced to give out treats on Halloween, Severus decides he likes tricks better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tricky Treats

**Author's Note:**

> For Severus_sighs's #Halloweenishness challenge and Roozetter.

When the doorbell rang, a loud moan reverberated through the house and Severus closed his eyes, groaning at the sound. "What did you do to the door?" The irritating decorations, pumpkins and fake spider webs cluttering up the house had been bad enough but that... that noise was beyond the pale. He hated holidays, especially sugar-fuelled days like today. At least he was no longer at Hogwarts for the celebration.

Harry's laugh floated to him, high-pitched and loud, and he shook his head at the cackle. "What have you done to yourself and how long am I going to spend brewing the antidote?"

"Nothing. Don't get your knickers in a twist. Answer the door, it's probably Hermione. And if it isn't, give the candy out to the little sprogs that are begging."

Severus arched a brow and continued to read. "Why would I do that?"

Harry sighed and stuck his head out of the room, squinting at Severus. "It's Halloween, Severus. Get the stick out of your arse and have a bit of fun, yeah?" He smiled at Severus. "I'll make it worth your while later."

"No."

"Severus..." Harry trailed off as the doorbell sounded again. "Please, I'm not completely dressed."

"They'll leave."

Harry rolled his eyes. "No, they won't. I turned on the light for the trick-or-treaters."

"I said no. I am not a house elf at the beck and call of sugared-up little blighters and an insane partner." The doorbell's dying lament came again this time followed by muffled voices and Severus slammed his book on the arm of the sofa. Turning to look over his shoulder, he glared at Harry.

"Fine, but you better answer the next one as I need to finish getting ready. We are taking Teddy, Rose and Victoire out. Diagon Alley's Shop Keepers Association are donating treats and tricks for the kids so they'll have a safe place to go." Harry made his way to the door, and Severus eyed him, trying to make out what exactly how undressed the outfit made Harry.

A trim-fitting green tunic hugged Harry's chest and torso. The ragged ends skirted just above his bum, which, along with his muscular legs was encased in green tights. His feet, clad in soft brown shoes, were silent on the floor, and Severus mourned the loss of seeing Harry from the front for just a moment. 

"Do I even want to know what you are wearing?"

"If you can't play nice and guess, I'm not telling."

"I am never nice." Severus picked up his book again, burrowing his face in the pages. "Make certain you turn out the light when you are finished."

Harry huffed then grabbed a cauldron full of candy and opened the door. "Happy Halloween!"

"Trick-or-treat!" echoed back into the house and Severus was sorely tempted to draw his wand to give them a 'trick'. Instead, he looked up and watched as Harry gave each little goblin a Mars bar. Harry held the door open and waited, a silly grin upon his face.

"Hello, Wendy."

Harry stepped back and allowed two children into the house: Teddy dressed as a pirate and Victoire decked out as a mermaid. Hermione, in a long, flowing white nightgown, followed the children into the house. In her arms she held Rose, dressed in a similar green outfit like Harry's. Colourful wings were fastened to the Rose's back and brushed up against Harry as Hermione leaned into press a kiss to his cheek. "You look wonderful! It's too bad Ron had to work, he would have made a fantastic Red Indian."

Harry's odd costume suddenly made sense. "How... disturbing and yet, ultimately fitting." Severus drawled and shuddered. "Boy that never grew up..."

The group turned and looked at Severus and Severus drew in a breath as he took in the front of Harry's costume. Well, perhaps disturbing wasn't the right word, then again maybe it was all too appropriate. The tights hid nothing of Harry's hidden talents, and Severus enjoyed the sight before an unsettling thought entered his head. Harry was going out in public like that and he frowned. 

Perhaps there was merit to this dressing up and he could sway Harry's decision to leave the house. He leered at Harry and Harry frowned.

"Harry... I was a bit hasty..."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Don't even try it, Severus. I am not staying here to answer the door."

Severus sighed and went back to his book. He never grovelled... too much.

"Ignore the grinch on the sofa," Harry muttered to Hermione. "I just need my cap then we can go."

Hermione smiled and nodded. "It's all right. Finish dressing; I'd like to get the children back before it gets too late."

"Indeed. Returning early is a sterling idea." Severus watched Harry saunter from the room and eyed the children. He glanced up at Hermione, smirked and shook his head. "How did you talk him into the tights?"

She laughed. "I told him it was either Peter Pan or he was going in drag. He chose the tights."

Severus snorted then waved at the feather running up the side of his face. He sneered as he looked up at Harry, and got a light peck on the mouth for his troubles. "Please give out the candy in the black cauldron by the door. I really don't want to have all that chocolate lying around until Christmas."

Giving another put upon sigh, Severus nodded. "I shall see what I can do."

Harry kissed him again and smiled. "Thanks, Severus. We won't be out late."

"Leave already, then, won't you?" Severus studied Harry, mildly thankfully that the tunic had been lengthened while Harry was retrieving his cap. Unfortunately, he knew what was under the stretched top and shifted his position on the sofa.

Harry ushered out the costumed party and the door slammed shut behind them. Almost immediately the wailing doorbell rang, and Severus lost all sense of amused arousal. The crying bell overlapped several times, the bawling hiccupping sounding stuck as some little bugger applied constant pressure on the button.

Severus grit his teeth, shoved himself up off the sofa and jerked open the door, snarling at the monster on the stoop. "What?!"

The little cretin held up a bag. "Trick-or-treat, mister!" He stepped back and eyed Severus for a moment. "What are you supposed to be?"

Severus grabbed a Cadbury Flake bar and chucked it at the child. "Your worst nightmare, now leave!"

The boy just about flew down the steps almost crashing into another group of parents with costumed heathens. Not looking back, Severus reached and grabbed a large handful of candies from the cauldron waiting by the door. He thanked some minor gods that he didn't have to listen to the doorbell even if he was trapped in the open doorway at the moment. After handing out one bar per child consistently for half an hour, he decided he'd had enough.

The flow of goblins, monsters and their guardians never seemed to end, so Severus began adding more and more candy to each succeeding child's bag just to get rid of the sweets. Finally, there was a lull in the traffic and he slammed the door shut, leaning back against the door and closing his eyes. Harry had damned well better make this up to him, because Severus was going to make him pay and pay.

When the snivelling doorbell sounded again, Severus groaned. He jerked up the pewter cauldron and opened the door. "Here, leave!" he tossed a large batch of candy out to the group of kids on the front stoop then slammed the door again.

If he was going to have to put up with much more of this, he needed fortification. With a sigh, he reached into the cauldron, looking for a Star Bar, and withdrew a small box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. He stared at the package for a moment then looked down into the cauldron. Besides the beans, Chocolate Frogs, Droobles Best Blowing Gum and other magical candies filled the cauldron. He also noticed several Honeydukes products in addition to the distinct wrappers in bright pink cellophane. Wizard Wheezes products Severus decided and continued to paw through the treats. He found Ton-Tongue toffees and the individual packaged two-toned sweet/tricks from the Weasley's Skiving Snackboxes line. 

Knowing Harry was a silent partner in the joke shop as well as seeing to the testing of the experimental candies had never been to his benefit before until this exact moment in time. Severus smirked and chuckled, digging through the cauldron to pull out several different kinds of candy from each line of the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes stock.

After deciphering just exactly what he had on hand, Severus began giving out the Wizarding treats to each and every child that rang the doorbell. He smirked at the little menaces unknowingly carrying away a trick instead of a treat. Perhaps this incessant begging would be entertaining after all.

~*~

Harry and Hermione stopped at Slugg and Jiggers to get their free phial of Stomach-Ease potion. The children had also collected jokes from both the Weasley's shop and Gambol and Japes. There were tickets for a free ice cream from Fortescue's and pet specific treats from Magical Menagerie. Even Mr Ollivander had joined in, buying the trick wands from George to hand out in front of his shop. Each shop in the Alley had contributed something and the children had treat sacks almost full to the brim, since they'd stopped to hit several Muggle houses before Apparating to the alley.

Witches and wizards were packed onto the narrow alley and a few Aurors were placed here and there at several cafes and the entrance to Knockturn Alley. Harry and company stopped and spoke to Ron as he sat outside Scribbulus Everchanging Inks. He dug through Rose's bag and withdrew a Canary Cream, disabling the charm on the treat before shoving it in his mouth.

"Where's Snape?"

"Did you actually think he'd come out with us?" Harry asked and eyed Ron as he dug through the treat sack. 

"No, but I figured you'd at least have forced him into that clicking crocodile suit or maybe that disabled pirate. He's good for either one of those." Ron shook his head as he pulled out some Jelly Bears and tossed them back, once again spelunking into the bag of sweets.

"As if I could force Severus into anything," Harry rolled his eyes and took Rose's bag away from Ron when he shoved a Chocolate Frog in his mouth next. "Leave some for the kids," he scolded.

"It's not like she can actually eat it, Harry. Now, give me the candy. It's the least you can do since I had to work tonight and you are prancing around in tights."

Harry narrowed his eyes at Ron. "Next time you can go along and you get to wear the dress."

"Honestly, you two, stop. It's all in fun and for the children..." Hermione reprimanded them then cut off as Ron shot up from his seat. A silvery Patronus of a fox raced up to Ron.

_Muggles being admitted to St. Mungo's after running afoul of Wizard Sweets. You are recalled immediately to the hospital for investigation._

The Patronus turned to Harry and repeated the message then vanished. Harry groaned and looked down at his costume. He turned to Ron, who smiled at him. "Give me your cloak."

"I don't think so, Harry, I'd be out of uniform then and I would want my boss to catch me." He waggled his eyebrows at Harry and raised his wand, readying to Apparate.

Harry snarled and reached for Ron. "I think you can get away with it this once."

Ron shook his head. Harry snagged his arm just as Ron Disapparated and was dragged along. Hermione sighed and gathered up Teddy and Victoire before heading out of Diagon Alley and returning to Harry's to wait for them.

~*~

Harry stared around the waiting room of the Spell Damage ward astounded at the chaos. In fact, there were Muggles on almost every ward with some kind of malady. Holes in tongues and teeth from Acid Pops, chattering and squeaking children with whiskers and long rat tails, and others, still eating Licorice Wands as if the magic sparks coming out the limp ends didn't faze them at all sat in chairs and on the floor waiting for aid. Almost immediately, he also recognized the effects of a Ton-Tongue Toffee, and knew he could do something for some of the traumatized Muggles. Harry sent Ron back to Diagon Alley for George to bring the antidotes then continued his tour of the wards.

One adult sat in a chair, holding on to his stomach as he belched uncontrollably. Another hiccupped every time the man burped as if they were in concert or having a contest. Several large canaries sat along one wall, singing loudly as feathers floated in the air. 

A medi-wizard sat with a group of people, vanishing piles of sick as they appeared and Harry wasn't certain if it was the Edible Dark Marks or the Puking Pastilles that was responsible for that mess. Lined up along the wall on gurneys were unconscious patients, which Harry assumed had eaten Fainting Fancies. Nosebleed Nougats had to be responsible for the carnage of yet another group of people as a second medi-wizard began trying to administer Blood Replenishing potion to several individuals

It appeared the two-sided Weasley candies didn't react well to having both the 'poison' and the remedy eaten at the same time. Muggles that had eaten the Fever Fudge were extremely red in the face with sweat running down their brows and steam coming out of their ears each time their temperature spiked. Others had animal parts; an elephant trunk, a duck bill and a monkey's tail, on various parts of their body from the newest treat called Animagus Ambrosia.

Gingerly, Harry walked through the areas, checking on parents and children alike, and wondering how in Merlin's name they had received the trick candy. It wasn't until he worked his way to the Ward for Magical Bugs that he knew had his culprit. The isolation ward had several people suffering from Dragon Pox Divinity, Vanish-o-milks and Scrofungulus Satsumas.

All the contagious candies were still on the testing tables until he and George had figured out the exact inoculations to use in the remedy part of the candies. And Harry knew exactly where the treats had come from since he'd left their experiments in a pewter cauldron in his kitchen. He had a man to see about some candy once his night at the hospital was finished.

As soon as George arrived, the cures were immediately administered and Harry and Ron gathered the restored Muggles together for Obliviation. He cleared his throat and focused on the group, watched out of the corner of his eyes as Ron slid on a pair of sunglasses. 

"Now, please look this way, as we provide you with a final test: an eye exam..."

~*~

Harry arrived home to find Hermione sitting on the stoop eating her way through several bars of Honeydukes Best dark chocolate. "Don't be too loud as you kill him; the children are sleeping in the front room. It was just a prank."

Harry stared at her. "Are you joking?"

She smiled up at him and climbed to her feet. "No, but really, how much damage did he really do considering what he's capable of?"

"Do you know how many fines George and I had levelled at us for those experimental sweets?!" Harry sighed and took a bar of chocolate from her, nibbling on a piece in hopes that it would soothe him. 

Hermione laughed. "Well, the saying is trick-or-treat, Harry."

Harry drew his wand a tossed a Stinging Hex at her over his shoulder. "Oh, I'm going to show him trick-or-treat." He opened the door, "Might want to take the children home, Ron should be there any minute now."

"Yes, Harry, trick-or-treat," Severus's low voice called out.

A spell shot out the door and zapped Harry. "Dammit! This is war, Snape! You owe me for those bloody fines!" He howled and charged into the house as Hermione screeched at them not to wake the children. Harry stormed through the rooms, searching for Severus, and Hermione followed in his wake.

Detouring to the sitting room, Hermione gave up her defence of Severus and quickly scooted the children through the fireplace before any curses could impact. She'd check on the carnage in the morning... maybe.


End file.
